Essay #1
Below is my first essay for this class.
Prompt: Describe three significant differences between Eduardo and Marie.
Diversity among people is what probably makes the universe so interesting. Could one imagine having everything and everyone so identical? That would probably be too tedious. But humanity is based upon difference and variety, and that is something totally reliable in everyday lives. Whether in our features, standards, or academic skills, matters are all put into a broad context. As I am currently wandering through my first year of college, I relate in some ways to Eduardo and Marie, two freshmen students. Though enrolling in the same college, they acquired significant differences.
By getting more familiar with their personal backgrounds, I began to identify their varying conditions. Eduardo, a student attending a mediocre high school, was raised in an impoverished and insecure neighborhood. Due to the negligible education of his mother, specifically in English, the boy didn’t do so well on his verbal test scores. On the other hand, Marie, a student attending an exclusive and impressive high school, came from a wealthy suburban family. Her parent’s were absolutely well educated. The girl accomplished high grades in AP courses as well as in test scores. So, one major difference between them is their overall background, whether in “household matters” or in “previous academics”.
Moving on to their initial phase of college enrollment, they both had an immensely unanticipated start-off. Even though unprepared, Eduardo started out his year with great ease throughout the process of adaptation. He adjusted quickly to the new ways of learning offered, getting into the process quite smoothly. Even though his past learning environment wasn’t any good, he threw that aside and concentrated on getting out the best of the state he was currently in. Hope started to be a concept of his own; he started developing ambitions and desires in life. In contrast to Eduardo, Marie, enrolling in the same classes, began out her year quite roughly. Even though preparation took place quite adequately in her previous high school, she experienced great exhaustion and stress, which lead her to a tough experience of adjusting to the new changes in college academics. Having self-confidence, Marie thought that she was well prepared, but that wasn’t the case; it was apparently an overestimation. So the second difference between them relied on their completely different adaptation phases. And beyond transition, they also experienced variety in everything else concerned to their new academic environment.
Throughout their paths, Eduardo and Marie encountered the aspects of academics with varying attitudes. Although Eduardo spent little time on his assignments, his papers were always interesting and thoughtful to read. His professors regularly found something innovative about each one, something “outside of the box”. His motivation helped him in various ways to develop the necessary skills needed to prevail in his studies. Flexibility played an essential role in his developing skills, since every course had its own way to be mastered. Eduardo successfully achieved an average 4.0 GPA for the first semester, doing so efficiently yet effortlessly. However, Marie, devoting enormous time to her studies and assignments, failed to achieve a state of progress. Even though she read and memorized over and over, she struggled to complete the semester with a C average. Her professors found her papers to be too formulaic, lacking any interesting thought. She didn’t get the idea at first that flexibility and change were mandatory in college. So finally that was the third and last significant difference between them. It was how they met the factors of their new environment and progressed through them.
To sum up, difference comes in all sorts of ways, like throughout the transition to a new stage in life. For one to be able to adapt and adjust, flexibility needs to be practiced. I probably learned a lesson from Marie’s “start off” since I used to think that college is a continuation of high school too. There’s probably nothing too challenging as long as one stays resolute and approaches new situations in a wise manner.
Overall, the text does directly address all components of the prompt. The introduction brings the reader into the material and presents him/her with a sense for the discussion to follow. The transitions between ideas are good, but the overall flow of the work is hampered a bit by mechanical concerns to include word choices and sentence structures. A few more examples and details will be helpful. I do appreciate that you were able to find a parallel between your experience and Marie’s.
When I revised my essay a bit, here’s what I ended up with.
Diversity among people is what probably makes the universe so interesting. Could one imagine having everything and everyone so identical? That would probably be too tedious. But humanity is, in fact, very complex, based upon enormous difference and variety. Whether in our features, preferences, or academic skills, matters are constantly put into a broad context. As I am currently wandering through my first year of college, I tend to encounter many diverse personalities. Several significant differences between people can relate to Eduardo and Marie, two freshmen students attending the same college.
By getting more familiar with their personal backgrounds, I began to identify their varying conditions. Eduardo, who attended a mediocre high school, was raised in an impoverished and insecure neighborhood. Due to the negligible education of his mother, specifically in English, the boy didn’t do so well on his verbal test scores. The conditions he faced both at home and at school were inevitably poor. On the other hand, Marie, who attended an exclusive and impressive high school, came from a wealthy suburban family. Her parents were absolutely well educated. The girl accomplished high grades in AP courses as well as in test scores. So, the obvious difference between them was their overall background, whether in “household matters” or in “previous academics”.
Moving on to their initial phase of college enrollment, they both had an immensely unanticipated transition. Even though unprepared, Eduardo started out his year with great ease throughout the process of adaptation. He adjusted quickly to the new ways of learning offered, getting familiar with how things worked. Understanding that each instructor had his/her own way of doing things, he felt a need to be flexible. Moreover, he concluded that there would be no option to put off any assigned work or required studies. Even though his past learning environment wasn’t any good, he threw that aside and concentrated on developing a fresh, positive, and ambitious attitude.
In contrast to Eduardo, Marie, enrolling in the same classes, began her year quite roughly. Even though she believed that she was adequately prepared for college, she had a tough experience of adjusting to the new academics offered. She apparently overestimated herself and in turn, experienced great exhaustion and stress with managing her time and coping with the different ways courses were instructed. The second major difference was the manner through which they adapted to the new college transition.
Throughout their paths, Eduardo and Marie encountered the aspects of academics with varying attitudes. Although Eduardo spent little time on his assignments, his papers were always interesting and thoughtful to read. His professors regularly found something innovative about each one, something “outside of the box”. His motivation helped him in various ways to develop the skills needed to prevail in his studies. Flexibility played an essential role in his developing skills, since every course had its own way to be mastered. Eduardo successfully achieved a 4.0 GPA for the first semester, doing so efficiently yet effortlessly. However, Marie, devoting enormous time to her studies and assignments, failed to achieve a state of progress. Even though she read and memorized over and over, she struggled to complete the semester with a C average. Her professors found her papers to be too formulaic, lacking any interesting thought. She didn’t get the idea at first that flexibility and change were mandatory in college. However, she managed to pull her way through later on and achieve her desired grades. Finally, that was the third and last significant difference between them. It depended on how they met the factors of their new environment and progressed through them in different ways.
To sum up, difference comes in all sorts of ways, like throughout the transition to a new stage in life. For one to be able to adapt and adjust, flexibility needs to be practiced. I probably learned a lesson from Marie’s first-year experience since I, too, used to think that college is a continuation of high school. Even though things sometimes start out in a rough manner, there’s probably nothing too challenging as long as one stays determined, focused, and most importantly, optimistic.
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